I Never Knew
by rosie3107
Summary: A hunt reveals secrets that were never meant to be revealed. When those secrets are discovered will the Winchesters ever be the same again? will Dean ever be able to look up to his father again? angsty!sam, angsty!dean, hurt!sam, mean!john warning!Abuse
1. Prologue

Disclaimer – Not mine, never will be, but how I wish I owned Sam and Dean.

A/N – This is my first Supernatural fic so please be gentle, constructive criticism is welcome but please no flames.

This story is set sometime during season 1, so John is still alive.

Warnings- probably some swearing, and mentions of abuse it later chapters but not too detailed. And of course the usual violence that comes along with writing a Supernatural fic.

Summary – A hunt reveals secrets that were never meant to be revealed. When secrets are discovered will the Winchesters ever be the same again? will Dean ever be able to look up to his father again? angsty!sam, angsty!dean, hurt!sam, mean!john.

**I Never Knew**

**Prologue**

The Winchester brothers were currently working a case, it was meant to be a simple salt and burn but the thing killing people had turned out not to be an angry spirit but a demon instead.

A demon which was currently holding Sam and Dean against a brick wall.

A very pissed off demon.

"Aah I finally get to meet the Winchester brothers, I've heard all sorts of stories about you, yes I know what you are, the worst kind of monsters, _hunters!"_

"_Us _the monsters!? You've got to be kidding me!" Dean exclaimed.

"Now, now Dean, no need to get angry." the demon smirked as it flicked it's wrist, pushing Dean painfully into the wall. "Hunters, you all think you're so noble, such do-gooders, ridding

the world of evil and all that. But all you are, are _monsters_! You kill and destroy! and I think you need to be punished."

The demon flicked it's wrist again forcing Dean further into the unforgiving wall causing Dean to cry out in pain.

"Stop it! Leave him alone!" Sam shouted struggling against the demons hold.

The demon lowered it's arm and turned towards Sam, it's cold, black, unforgiving eyes looking him over before stepping closer.

"Aah little Sammy Winchester!" Said the demon smirking evilly, "I've been looking forward to meeting you."

"Yeah, well here I am, what do you want from me?" Sam replied.

"Revenge."

TBC...

A/N – Sorry that it's such a short chapter but I blanked out, I think my writing muse has had it for today, I promise to update by the end of the week.

**Please Review** it only takes a minute but it motivates me and makes me want to write more.


	2. Chapter 1

Disclaimer – Not mine, never will be, but how I wish I owned Sam and Dean.

A/N – This is my first Supernatural fic so please be gentle, constructive criticism is welcome but please no flames.

This story is set sometime during season 1, so John is still alive.

Warnings- probably some swearing, and mentions of abuse it later chapters but not too detailed. And of course the usual violence that comes along with writing a Supernatural fic.

Summary – A hunt reveals secrets that were never meant to be revealed. When secrets are discovered will the Winchesters ever be the same again? will Dean ever be able to look up to his father again? angsty!sam, angsty!dean, hurt!sam, mean!john.

* * *

**I Never Knew**

Previously

"_Aah little Sammy Winchester!" Said the demon smirking evilly, "I've been looking forward to meeting you."_

"_Yeah, well here I am, what do you want from me?" Sam replied._

"_Revenge."_

* * *

**Chapter 1**

"Revenge!?" repeated Sam incredulously,

"I haven't done anything to you!"

"Maybe you haven't done anything to me _personally_ but you have sent many demons to Hell, and boy most of those demons were my friends!" the demon replied angrily.

"But the last straw came when you sent my _son_ to Hell! You will pay for that! and I know just how to do it."

"Oh yeah? How's that?" Came Deans snarky reply from across the room.

"Patience Dean, I'm getting to it." The demon said casually not taking his eyes off of Sam.

"You see, I have some special _abilities _you could say. I can reach _deep _into your mind and pull out your darkest, ugliest, most feared secret, and show it to the world." The demons lips curved upwards in a smirk as he gazed at Sam, noticing the widening of his eyes.

'Oh god!' Thought Sam, 'he wouldn't, he couldn't know THAT secret, the one he had never told anyone not even Dean! the only people who knew where himself and his dad and he had planned on it staying that way until he died. God, I beg you _please_ don't let Dean find out, especially not now, not like _this!'_

"That's all?" Dean laughed unaware of Sam's inner turmoil, "Surely you can do better that that!?"

"Maybe it doesn't matter much to_ you _if your secrets are told, but Sammy here? Well I think he's a whole different story." The demon turned to look at Dean stepping away from Sam to give the older Winchester a clear look at his little brothers face.

Dean's forehead creased in concern at he noted the white pallor of Sam's face.

He wondered what terrible secret Sam must have, to make him look like that?

Well, maybe he was about to find out.

* * *

TBC

A/N: So there you go, chapter 1. Sorry for the cliffhanger and that it's so short. I should be able to post Chapter 2 within the next week hopefully, thanks for reading and thanks to the people who reviewed the prologue.

PLEASE REVIEW, it only takes a minute but it means SO much to me!!


	3. Chapter 2

Disclaimer – Not mine, never will be, but how I wish I owned Sam and Dean.

A/N – This is my first Supernatural fic so please be gentle, constructive criticism is welcome but please no flames.

This story is set sometime during season 1, so John is still alive.

Warnings- probably some swearing, and mentions of abuse it later chapters but not too graphic. And of course the usual violence that comes along with writing a Supernatural fic.

Summary – A hunt reveals secrets that were never meant to be revealed. When secrets are discovered will the Winchesters ever be the same again? will Dean ever be able to look up to his father again? angsty!sam, angsty!dean, hurt!sam, mean!john.

* * *

**I Never Knew**

Previously

_He wondered what terrible secret Sam must have, to make him look like that?_

_Well, maybe he was about to find out._

* * *

**Chapter 2**

_3 hours earlier_

The boys are outside an old house collecting the things they would need for the hunt

"So your _sure _this is just a simple salt and burn deal?" Sam asked for what seemed to Dean like the hundredth time.

"_Yes! _Sammy, I'm sure now will you quit your wining and get your ass moving!?"

The boys entered the building, where the body of an 18 year old girl should be buried somewhere inside.

"So basement you think?" Sam asked

"Yeah, seems to be the most likely place to keep a body, lets go!" Dean replied, already on his way down the old steps.

"See anything?" Sam asked shining his torch into corners, looking for anywhere a dead body might be.

"Nope, nothing maybe she's not down her..." Dean was cut off by something launching him into a wall, a short cry told him Sam had also made contact with a hard wall.

"Hello boys" The demon stepped out of the shadows reveling himself and his pitch black eyes.

"Yeah Dean, simple salt and burn" Sam said sarcastically

That led the boys to were they were now,

held against a wall by a demon who claimed to know their deepest darkest secrets.

* * *

_Present_

"Sammy?" Asked Dean concerned. "Are you okay? Surely you don't have a secret _that_

bad? Do you?"

"I..I..._please _don't tell him!" Sam begged the demon, looking at him pleadingly.

"aah, Sammy, Sammy, Sammy, those puppy dog eyes of yours won't work on me!" The demon replied mockingly. "I think telling Dean your secret would be a fitting punishment. Although i don't see why your so against telling him, surely you'd _want _him to know?"

"No! No, he...he looks up to him, I..I don't want him to hate him, I don't want to ruin his hero image..." Sam trailed off sadly.

"What?? Sam what's going on, who do I look up to?" Dean asked sounding confused and a little bit panicked.

"Why, daddy dearest of course, yes Dean that's right" The demon said in response to Deans surprised look , "him and Sammy here have been keeping something from you... a deep, dark, _terrible_ secret!"

"What? Sam what's he talking about!? SAM!! Sammy tell me what he's talking about, what's this secret you and dad have??" Dean shouted staring desperately at Sam's defeated looking form, willing him to answer."

"You see Dean, Daddy Winchester isn't the caring hero he makes himself out to be, well, not to Sam at least, I'm sure he's a great dad to you."

"My dad is a great man! Sure, him and Sam have arguments and don't get along too well a lot of the time but my dad loves Sam!" Dean exclaimed angrily.

"Loves him!? Well he sure has a funny way of showing it to Sam. You really don't have a clue do you? What your Dad's been doing to Sam all these years? You have no idea the _real _reason Sam left to go to Stanford?" The demon mocked smirking at Sam's now shaking body, still held against the wall.

"Sam left because he didn't like hunting! It had nothing to do with my dad!" Dean protested, but he sounded a bit uncertain as he looked over Sam's clearly shaking form.

The demon just laughed, shaking his head.

A horrible feeling had begun to well up in Dean's mind.

What if the demon was telling the truth?

What if there really was another reason Sam left for Stanford?

Maybe there was more to it than just a dislike for hunting.

And what if it had something to do with his dad?

* * *

TBC

A/N – Sorry for another cliffhanger again I just couldn't resist. The secret will be revealed in the next chapter, well at least some of it. I'm sure some of you have guessed the secret already but there may be still a few surprises. Next chapter should be up within the next couple of weeks.

PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE!! REVIEW!! It honestly means so much to me and it motivates me to write better longer chapters and update quicker!


	4. Chapter 3

Disclaimer – Not mine, never will be, but how I wish I owned Sam and Dean.

A/N – This is my first Supernatural fic so please be gentle, constructive criticism is welcome but please no flames.

This story is set sometime during season 1, so John is still alive.

Warnings- probably some swearing, and mentions of abuse it later chapters but not too graphic. And of course the usual violence that comes along with writing a Supernatural fic.

Summary – A hunt reveals secrets that were never meant to be revealed. When secrets are discovered will the Winchesters ever be the same again? will Dean ever be able to look up to his father again? angsty!sam, angsty!dean, hurt!sam, mean!john.

* * *

**I Never Knew**

_Previously_

A horrible feeling had begun to well up in Dean's mind.

What if the demon was telling the truth?

What if there really was another reason Sam left for Stanford?

Maybe there was more to it than just a dislike for hunting.

And what if it had something to do with his dad?

* * *

**Chapter 3**

"So Dean, guessed the big secret yet?" The demon asked, his black eyes glittering menacingly.

"My.. my dad didn't do anything to Sammy." Dean answered shakily, looking to Sam for confirmation. "Right Sammy?"

Sam just gulped and turned his head knowing it was too late, Dean was going to find out and there was nothing he could do to stop it.

He knew that Dean would hate him after this, after he knew his dirty secret, Sam squeezed his eyes shut as one lone tear escaped and trailed down his cheek.

"Oh god, Sammy, what.. what did dad do to you?" Dean asked, sounding scared.

Sam just shook his head and let out a sob, not looking Dean in the eye.

The demon just stood to the side watching in amusement as the younger Winchester broke down. It was so easy! He hadn't even told Dean the secret yet and here Sam was sobbing against a wall as his brother looked on concerned. Pathetic!

"How about I show you?" The demon said, smirking at Sam's horrified look.

Suddenly Dean was assaulted with memories, he could only watch in sickened horror and the events played out in his mind.

* * *

(slightly graphic mentions of abuse from here on people)

_Sam was 6, Dean had just gone to one of the guy's from school's birthday party, and as soon as he'd left John had headed off to the nearest bar, even though it was only 7pm, leaving little Sammy home alone._

_Just over an hour later John came back, reeking of alcohol. Little Sammy ran up to greet him, he had been worried as he had never been left alone before without at least Dean to look after him._

"_Daddy! daddy where'd you go?" Sam asked scrunching up his nose at the foul smell coming from his dad. _

"_Go away Sam! I left to get away from your annoying voice so just LEAVE ME ALONE!" John shouted, frightening his small son._

_Sammy stepped back, away from his daddy as his bottom lip began to tremble and tears threatened to fall from his eyes._

"_Don't you dare cry you little shit!" John thundered. "Don't you think I put up with enough without you crying all over me!"_

"_S..s..sorry daddy" Sammy whispered, his small form shaking. He hated it when his dad got like this, he only ever acted like it when Dean wasn't around, Sam never saw Dean getting shouted at like this by his dad, he knew that John loved Dean more than him he just didn't understand why. So he decided to ask._

"_D..daddy, why do you love Dean more than me?" _

"_Because Dean is a much better son than you! Dean didn't kill his mother! Dean didn't take my Mary away from me! That's why I don't love you! You were the cause of my wife's death!" John yelled, stepping forward and yanking Sam up by the collar of his hand-me-down shirt._

"_I...I...Killed m..m..mommy?" Sam asked shaking even more as he tried to free himself from his dad's grasp. _

"_Yes you did, you little shit! You see the demon that killed her, wasn't after her! It was after YOU! If you had never been born Mary would still be alive! It's your fault Dean grew up without a mother! IT'S ALL YOUR FUCKING FAULT! I wish you'd never been born!" John shouted, shaking his son and ignoring his pained whimpers. _

_John threw Sam onto the ground and kicked him viciously in the side._

"_Don't even think about telling Dean about any of this! Your brother would hate you if he ever found out how you killed his mother!"_

_Sam just lay on the floor and cried, until his dad dragged him up and told him to go clean up and stop the sniveling before Dean got home._

After that memory had finished playing through Dean's mind, many similar one's were shown of repeated beatings whenever Dean wasn't around, steadily getting worse as Sam got older.

_ (abuse stops here)_

* * *

The memory's stopped and Dean lifted his head to turn horrified eyes to his little brother before turning his head to the other side and violently throwing up all over the wall, feeling disgusted with everything his dad had done.

Sam took the throwing up as a sign of Dean being disgusted with _him_, and lowered his head to his chest, letting the shame wash over him and the tears flow freely down his face.

He had known this would happen, Dean hated him.

* * *

TBC

A/N – There you go, chapter 3! Hope you enjoyed it, I'm not sure how well I did on the abuse bit but there you go. I'd just like to say, I have nothing against John and he is only cruel for the sake of my story. I know John would never treat either of his boys like this really. Next chapter might be a while getting out because I'm busy the rest of the week but I should hopefully be able to post it sometime next week.

PLEASE PLEASE REVIEW!! I've had 1826 reviews but only 23 reviews!! Please! Review!

It makes me want to write more.


	5. Chapter 4

Disclaimer – Not mine, never will be, but how I wish I owned Sam and Dean.

A/N – This is my first Supernatural fic so please be gentle, constructive criticism is welcome but please no flames.

This story is set sometime during season 1, so John is still alive.

Warnings- probably some swearing, and mentions of abuse it later chapters but not too graphic. And of course the usual violence that comes along with writing a Supernatural fic.

Summary – A hunt reveals secrets that were never meant to be revealed. When secrets are discovered will the Winchesters ever be the same again? will Dean ever be able to look up to his father again? angsty!sam, angsty!dean, hurt!sam, mean!john.

* * *

**I Never Knew**

_Previously_

The memory's stopped and Dean lifted his head to turn horrified eyes to his little brother before turning his head to the other side and violently throwing up all over the wall, feeling disgusted with everything his dad had done.

Sam took the throwing up as a sign of Dean being disgusted with _him_, and lowered his head to his chest, letting the shame wash over him and the tears flow freely down his face.

He had known this would happen, Dean hated him.

* * *

**Chapter 4**

Dean was disgusted with everything he had just seen, never in his most terrifying nightmares had he ever imagined something like the scene he had just witnessed. He just couldn't believe he had _never_ noticed anything odd between his father and brother.

He felt guilty that he had never noticed the pain Sam went through in his childhood, no wonder he had left for Stanford!

With the horror Sam had been through, Dean was surprised Sam hadn't left sooner.

Dean was furious with the beatings his father had inflicted on Sam, but what _really_ angered him was the _emotional_ abuse Sam had suffered through!

It sickened him that someone could blame their _six year old _son for their wife's death, how could it have been Sammy's fault he was _six months old_ when their mother died for god's sake! He couldn't have had _anything _to do with her death. It was the yellow-eyed demon who killed her.

Also the fact that his father had said that _Dean_ would also blame Sam for their mother's death made Dean burn with anger at his father.

It was obviously the reason Sam had never told Dean about the abuse.

Dean could tell by looking at Sam's face that even after all these years, Sam still believed that Dean might blame him for his mother's death, and that if he ever found out about the abuse, Sam would be blamed and hated, Sam still thought that Dean would be disgusted if he told him, that he would call him a liar, that it was impossible and Dean's hero would never do that to Sam.

Sam didn't understand that if he had just told Dean, he would have helped him.

Dean would _never, ever!_ Blame Sam for what had happened. Dean _loved_ Sam, he was his little brother, his little brother whom he had _sworn_ to protect, the fateful day his father had handed a bundled up baby Sammy to Dean and told him to run.

Dean felt tears well up in his eyes as he thought about how he now knew that he had _failed_ in his task to protect Sammy from all things evil.

He had just never before realized that his _dad_ could be one of the evil things that could cause Sam harm.

It had just never occurred to him that Dean's hero could be Sam's worst nightmare.

Dean turned his head to his shaking little brother, "Sam, I... god.. I'm so sorry... Sammy..."

"I never knew" Dean whispered sounding guilty and upset.

Sam just shook his head shakily and continued to sob brokenly against the wall.

"Let us go you bastard! You've got what you wanted, you've reveled his secret now you can just let us go!" Dean shouted at the still smirking Demon, taking all of his pent up anger out on the closest thing he could.

"Now, now Dean, I'm not sure whether Sam has had enough yet." the demon said, strolling over to Sam's trembling form.

"Leave him alone you son of a bitch!" Dean screamed in anger, trying fruitlessly to break away from the wall so that he could rush to Sammy's aid.

The demon just laughed at Dean's attempt and focused all of his attention on Sam.

"Sammy, Sammy, Saaammmyy!" the demon tilted his head to one side, before reaching forward and forcing Sam's head up to look at him, causing a brief angry mutter from Dean before the demon casually flicked his hand behind him, gagging Dean and effectively silencing his protests.

"Awww, is ickle baby Sammy upset, does he want his mama? Oh, too bad she's dead then!" The demon mocked, Sam remained silent, tears still flowing down his unresisting face.

"Come on boy! Where's the angry, powerful Sam Winchester I've heard about? You're nothing but a useless cry baby!" The demon cried in disgust before releasing Sam's face and turning away, then suddenly whipping back around and furiously back-handing Sam across the face so hard that the force of it sent Sam's head smashing into the wall, and the ring of it echoed around the room.

Dean let out a grunt of protest and continued to struggle against the wall, desperate to save Sam.

Sam just let his head fall back to his chest, his lip split, with blood running down his chin and a nasty cut on his left cheek from the rough stone wall. He raised no anger and continued to stare lifelessly at the dirty floor.

The demon angered by the lack of response, reared back his fist before slamming it straight into Sam's face, causing blood to splatter from his nose and a grunt of pain to escape his lips.

The demon snarled and drew back his fist again intending to beat Sam until his face was unrecognizable before starting in on the rest of his body.

Just as he his fist was going to make contact with Sam's right cheekbone, the demon stopped and stepped away from Sam an evil smirk forming on his face.

He turned to Dean, looked between him and Sam, an ingenious idea forming in his head.

"How about we play a little game?"

the demon asked, with a twisted, hungry sparkle in his cold, black eyes and a malicious smirk on his lips.

TBC

* * *

A/N – There you go chapter 4! I'm very sorry about the delay in posting this chapter but I have had a busy week. I hope you all enjoyed this chapter, feel free to point out any mistakes you believe I have made, please tell me your views and I am open to ways I could improve my story. I am working on the length of my chapters and I believe this is my longest chapter yet so I must be getting better.

PLEASE PLEASE REVIEW!! Only takes a minute but means _sooo_ much to me!

Thanks to all the people who have reviewed and all the people who have read my story so far! Sammy hugs for all!


	6. Chapter 5

Disclaimer – Not mine, never will be, but how I wish I owned Sam and Dean.

A/N – This is my first Supernatural fic so please be gentle, constructive criticism is welcome but please no flames.

This story is set sometime during season 1, so John is still alive.

Warnings- probably some swearing, and mentions of abuse it later chapters but not too graphic. And of course the usual violence that comes along with writing a Supernatural fic.

Summary – A hunt reveals secrets that were never meant to be revealed. When secrets are discovered will the Winchesters ever be the same again? will Dean ever be able to look up to his father again? angsty!sam, angsty!dean, hurt!sam, mean!john.

* * *

**I Never Knew**

_Previously_

He turned to Dean, looked between him and Sam, an ingenious idea forming in his head.

"How about we play a little game?"

the demon asked, with a twisted, hungry sparkle in his cold, black eyes and a malicious smirk on his lips.

* * *

**Chapter 5**

"So, here's how this game's gonna go" the demon said, staring at Dean.

"I'm gonna ask you a question, Dean, about Sammy here and if you can't answer it correctly, Sam will be punished!"

"What! You can't do that!"

"Why do you have to torture Sam so much!" Dean shouted, enraged that the demon was so intent on torturing Sammy.

"I kill demons just as much as he does! You can't blame him for everything!"

"You're absolutely right Dean!" the demon exclaimed.

"I'll just punish both of you, I'll ask you a question about Sam, then Sammy a question about you! Perfect!"

Dean looked up at the demon in horror, that was not what he had meant at all! He wanted the demon to focus solely on him, not on Sammy at all. He couldn't even begin to imagine what Sam was already going through, he didn't need anymore grief.

Dean could tell by just looking at Sam that he was seriously depressed, Sammy was usually an open book when it came to emotions, you could tell by a first glance what was on his mind, whether he was; happy, sad, angry, etc. it was usually written all over his face for the world to see.

But now, when Dean looked at Sam all he saw was a blank emptiness, like someone had just ripped Sam's heart out and stomped all over it.

Dean had always made fun of Sam for wearing his heart on his sleeve, calling him a girl and avoiding all of the 'chick-flick moments'. But Dean would give anything right now to just see _something_ in Sammy's usually bright, hazel eyes. He'd rather go through millions of chick-flick moments than see this pure _emptiness _on Sam's face.

It looked like Sam didn't care about his own life anymore, like he had nothing worth living for, and that's what worried Dean the most.

Even though Sam's face looked like a blank mask on the outside, on the inside it was a massive jumble of depressive, negative and confused thoughts.

'Dean hates me, I know it!'

'He must do after finding out about dad.'

'He blames me.'

'He's right to blame me, it's my fault mums dead.'

'If I had never been born Dean and dad would be happy, with mum, she'd be still alive.'

'I should have never been born, all I've done is cause trouble,'

'I hurt Dean when I left for Stanford, I deserve his hatred.'

'But I just had to get away from dad, I couldn't take it anymore!'

'Maybe i should have just put up with it, I mean, I deserved it anyway, I should have just took it like a man instead of running off to Stanford.'

'I deserved everything dad did to me, I'm a murdering freak nothing more.'

'I don't deserve to live, and now Dean knows that.'

"Right so, I'll start off with an easy question, to get you going." The demon told them, clapping his hands together gleefully.

"I'm gonna ask you five questions each and if you answer at least 3 correct I'll let you go, that's how nice I am!"

"But of course, you both have to be blindfolded first, can't have you sending each other secret codes using your hands now can I!"

The demon walked over to Sam first and roughly tied a dirty, black piece of cloth over his eyes.

Sam put up no resistance and just continued to hang there lifelessly, although his eyes did look slightly clearer before they were covered with the make-shift blindfold.

He obviously had no intention of being the cause of any pain to Dean.

The demon then walked over to Dean, who put up more of a struggle than Sam when the demon tried to tie the cloth over his eyes.

That was up until the Demon threatened to up the number of questions to ten each.

Dean wasn't willing to risk causing any extra pain to Sam, so he calmed down and let the demon blindfold him.

"So, now you're both ready, let the games begin!" the demon shouted in a jolly voice, he was obviously looking forward to causing Sam and Dean a lot of pain.

"Right, first question goes to Dean, What was Sammy's girlfriends full name?"

"Pfft! That's easy!" Dean scoffed, feeling a lot less worried about the questions if they were going to be this easy. "Jessica Moore!"

"Wrong! You should learn to listen Dean, I said _full_ name, you only gave me her first and second name." The Demon replied, smirking at Dean. "But, because I'm in such a good mood, I'm going to give you another chance, tell me Dean, what is Jessica Moore, Sam's cute little dead girlfriend's, _middle _name?"

Dean gulped and shot a quick glance over at Sam in panic, he didn't know the answer!

TBC

* * *

A/N - I am extremely sorry that it took me so long to post this chapter, unfortunately I have lots of G.C.S.E work and coursework to do, so my time is very limited. I promise I will do my best to post chapters ASAP but there may be long breaks in-between chapters. Please keep reading my story, I love all of my reviewers and readers!

PLEASE REVIEW!


	7. Chapter 6

Disclaimer – Not mine, never will be, but how I wish I owned Sam and Dean.

A/N – This is my first Supernatural fic so please be gentle, constructive criticism is welcome but please no flames.

This story is set sometime during season 1, so John is still alive.

Warnings- probably some swearing, and mentions of abuse it later chapters but not too graphic. And of course the usual violence that comes along with writing a Supernatural fic.

Summary – A hunt reveals secrets that were never meant to be revealed. When secrets are discovered will the Winchesters ever be the same again? will Dean ever be able to look up to his father again? angsty!sam, angsty!dean, hurt!sam, mean!john.

**

* * *

I Never Knew**

_Previously_

"Wrong! You should learn to listen Dean, I said full name, you only gave me her first and second name." The Demon replied, smirking at Dean. "But, because I'm in such a good mood, I'm going to give you another chance, tell me Dean, what is Jessica Moore, Sam's cute little dead girlfriend's, middle name?"

Dean gulped and shot a quick glance over at Sam in panic, he didn't know the answer!

**

* * *

Chapter 6**

Dean searched his brain, trying to remember if he'd ever even _heard_ Jessica's middle name before, he couldn't think of anything, there was nothing for it but to guess...

Dean swallowed once, praying that he'd get it right, he opened his mouth and spoke,

"Jessica _Anne _Moore?"

There was silence for a moment, and Dean began to feel some relief, thinking that the demon must be angry that he'd got the first question right and he didn't know what to say.

That was until the demon laughed a horrible twisted, menacing laugh, causing Dean to feel his face drain of colour, and struggle against the invisible bonds holding him to the wall, knowing Sam was going to get hurt, and there was nothing he could do to stop it.

"Tut tut tut Dean, wrong answer, the correct answer would have been Jessica _Lee_ Moore, I'm afraid this means Sam must be punished for your errors." The Demon said, the tone of his voice letting Dean know that the Demon was going to enjoy hurting Sam some more.

"Tell you what Dean, I'm gonna let _you _decide what punishment your brother gets! I'll give you a choice of 3! How does that sound?"

"Not particularly great considering I know for a fact, none of these options are going to be good ones!" Dean shouted, furious.

The demon just laughed, reveling in Deans anger and pain.

"Option 1: I'll give him 30 whippings with this handy spiky belt - for maximum pain, of course." The demon said with an evil smirk.

"Option 2: I'll slam a hammer down on his hand 3 times."

"Or option 3: _You_ can give him 30 whippings with _your_ belt."

"So which one will you choose Dean?"

The demon laughed long and hard as he heard Dean's angry growl.

Dean just stood in horror, having no idea which option to choose

Which one would cause Sam the least pain?

Dean went over his options, if he chose the first option, he knew the Demon would use maximum force, and who knew how strong this demon was!? No! he couldn't choose that one.

Option 2, same concept! the demon would probably smash Sam's hand to pieces with the first strike! And Sam's hand might never go back to normal after that. Dean didn't think he could deal with the sound of the hammer smashing down on Sam's hand anyway, hearing the shattering of his bones... It made him shiver just thinking about it. No, he couldn't choose that option either.

That left option 3,

But could he do it?

Could he _purposely _inflict pain on his little brother?

After all Sam had been through with their dad?

Sam could totally withdraw into himself!

This could completely break him!

He might think Dean hated him too!

But if he chose this option, he could hold back a bit...

Cause Sam a little less pain than if it was the demon inflicting it...

But could he do it?

TBC

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A/N - Sorry the chapter's so short, as I said before, I am very short on time, I actually have a G.C.S.E this week! I should really be revising, but I saw how long I had left this story and didn't want people to think I've abandoned it. I will once again try to post the next chapter as soon as possible, but again, it may take a while. Thanks to all the people who have read and reviewed my story!  
Please keep reading!


	8. Chapter 7

Disclaimer – Not mine, never will be, but how I wish I owned Sam and Dean.

A/N – This is my first Supernatural fic so please be gentle, constructive criticism is welcome but please no flames.

This story is set sometime during season 1, so John is still alive.

Warnings- probably some swearing, and mentions of abuse it later chapters but not too graphic. And of course the usual violence that comes along with writing a Supernatural fic.

Summary – A hunt reveals secrets that were never meant to be revealed. When secrets are discovered will the Winchesters ever be the same again? will Dean ever be able to look up to his father again? angsty!sam, angsty!dean, hurt!sam, mean!john.

**

* * *

I Never Knew**

_Previously_

But if he chose this option, he could hold back a bit...

Cause Sam a little less pain than if it was the demon inflicting it...

But could he do it?

**

* * *

**

**Chapter 7**

The demon removed Dean's blindfold, wanting to watch the pain flicker in his eyes as he was forced to make a horrible decision. He reveled in the conflict in Dean's eyes, knowing which option he was going to pick, and how much it was going to destroy both him and his brother.

As the blindfold was removed Dean shot a quick glance at Sammy, he sighed as he noted that he was still hanging limply against the wall, not moving, if it weren't for the rise and fall of his chest, it would almost look like he wasn't even alive. He wondered what was going through his baby brothers head.

'He must be so low right now, what if he thinks I agree with dad? Damn! We need to get out of here so I can explain to him how much I hate dad right now, how much I want to kill him. Sam needs to know that it's not his fault, he's obviously blaming himself, he always was one for self-blame! He needs to know I still love him, even if I don't say it as much as I maybe should. He needs to know that I would _never _hurt him if I had the choice. That mum's death was not his fault! He was 6 months old for god's sake! There was no way it was his fault. Fuck, they _really_ needed to get out of here, fast.'

"I'm waiting Dean..." The demon said, in a mocking sing-song voice. "If your not going to chose I'll just have to pick one for you."

"No! no, I'm thinking ok!?" Dean replied in a panicked tone, knowing that the Demon would pick the option that would cause Sam the most pain.

"Tick, Tock.." Grinned the Demon, delighting in the thought of how much emotional pain he was causing Dean, Smirking in sadistic pleasure as he pulled out a hammer from seemingly no where.

"Ok, ok! Please not that! Option 3! I choose option 3!" Yelled Dean, the sight of the hammer making him panic. He gulped in guilt and regret as he saw Sam flinch from his place on the wall.

"Good choice Dean, I'm sure you chose wisely, I mean, Sammy's not going to be at all affected by his big brother viciously whipping him with his belt.. Good show Dean." The demon laughed sarcastically, clapping his hands in a slow mocking fashion.

Dean's eyes went wide and his breath became harsh as he took in everything the demon said. But what could he have done? The other options would have hurt Sam far more wouldn't they?

'Physically, yes, the other options would have been far worse' Whispered a little voice in the back of Dean's head. 'But emotionally? The option you chose will hurt him much,much more..'

"Oh God, what have I done?" Mumbled Dean, staring at Sam in horror, praying that his little brother would forgive him for this, that he wouldn't be permanently scarred, physically or emotionally!

The demon laughed long and hard as he heard Dean's whispered words, ecstatic about how much agony he was causing to both Winchesters, without even lifting a finger!

"Oomph" Dean fell to the floor with a groan as he was suddenly released from his hold on the wall. In a moment of elation he looked around, searching desperately for some kind of weapon to help get him and Sam out of there. Spotting his fallen rock-salt loaded shotgun just inches away he made a lunge, but felt himself been thrown into an unforgiving wall before he had got anywhere near.

The demon shook his head in amusement as he watched a spark of hope appear on Dean's face as he released him from the wall. Saw him make a reach for the shotgun and delighted in crushing his hopes as with just a flick of his wrist he sent him flying back into the wall.

Dean felt the back of his head slam into the wall behind him, stars erupting behind his closed eyelids. Slowly cracking his eyes open he tried not to pass out like a little girl in front of this high and mighty demon, he might not have much right now, but he still had his pride! And he was damn well keeping hold of it. Sucking in a quick breath he quickly slammed his eyes open, watching the room swim for a moment before finally refocusing, and feeling the pain slowly fade into a throbbing headache which he tried his best to ignore. Sighing as he realized that there would be no escaping this Hell hole any time soon.

"Are you ready to stop attempting to escape and start playing the game Dean?" Asked the demon, giving Dean a sadistic smirk. "This is the best part!"


	9. Chapter 8

Disclaimer – Not mine, never will be, but how I wish I owned Sam and Dean.

A/N – This is my first Supernatural fic so please be gentle, constructive criticism is welcome but please no flames.

This story is set sometime during season 1, so John is still alive.

Warnings- probably some swearing, and mentions of abuse in some chapters but not too graphic. And of course the usual violence that comes along with writing a Supernatural fic.

Summary – A hunt reveals secrets that were never meant to be revealed. When secrets are discovered will the Winchesters ever be the same again? will Dean ever be able to look up to his father again? angsty!sam, angsty!dean, hurt!sam, mean!john.

SO SO SORRY for the REALLY slow update, I actually forgot about this. Shame on me. Kill me now.

Anyway, I won't keep you waiting any longer, On with the story!

* * *

I Never Knew

_Previously_

"Are you ready to stop attempting to escape and start playing the game Dean?" Asked the demon, giving Dean a sadistic smirk. "This is the best part!"

* * *

Chapter 8

Dean looked at the floor defeated, thoughts running through his head

'What do I do? I don't have a choice I'm going to have to go through with it or the demon will hurt Sammy even more... God I wish da... Bobby was here, he'd help us get out of this.'

The demon paced impatiently back and forth in front of Dean, a wicked smirk on his face as he read the dispair on the middle Winchesters' face, oh how he loved causing people pain, especially those damned Winchesters.

Dean closed his eyes and sighed deeply, "fine" he muttered quietly.

The demon smirked and turned so he was facing Dean "what was that?"

Dean squeezed his eyes shut and barked out "FINE! I said fine, I'll do it, can we just get this over with?"

The demon smirked and with a flick of his wrist, released Dean from the wall, keeping a close eye on him to be sure he wouldn't try to escape again.

Dean grunted in pain as he fell to the floor, the sudden release unexpected, he stood up fluidly, lifting one hand to rub at the back of his aching head, flinching slightly when his palm made contact with a sore spot. He looked around the room taking in the fallen shotgun, too far away for him to be able to get to it before the demon sent him flying. The doorway, barricaded by fallen objects, and Sam, pressed against the wall, body sagging in defeat. Dean sighed and looked at the demon, not knowing what else he could do.

The demon watched Dean, following his gaze as he looked around the room, marvelling in the defeat on his face as he realised that there was no escape. He flicked his wrist again, this time at Sam, removing his blindfold and spinning him around so that his front was to the wall.

"There you go, he's all ready for you Dean, start when you're ready." The demon drawled, casually leaning against the adjacent wall, facing Sam and Dean.

Dean gulped and took a step towards Sam while slowly removing his belt.

Sam squeezed his eyes shut as he heard Dean's approach. 'This is it.' He thought to himself. 'Dean can finally release all his anger on me, just like Dad did, I deserve it though, I shouldn't complain. I've had Dean for years now, I should be glad. Glad that it took this long for him to find out. At least I had some good years with Dean, at least he used to love me. He hates me now though, not that I blame him, I killed his mother, our mother, I hate myself.'

Dean finished removing his belt then stepped up behind Sam. "I'm so sorry Sammy; please know that I'm only doing this to stop you going through even worse pain. I never wanted to hurt you Sammy, I'm not like dad, and mum's death was not your fault kiddo, not at all. I'm so sorry for this Sammy; I hope that you'll be able to forgive me."

Sam was too caught in his own pessimistic thoughts to hear Dean's words, keeping his eyes tightly closed and bracing himself for the inflictions of Dean's belt.

The demon smirked menicingly and waved his hand, removing Sam's shirt.

"Let the games begin"

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A/N - Sorry the chapter's pretty short, I PROMISE this time I WILL keep updating as regularly as possible. Please keep reading!

Reviews are love! 3


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